There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
