Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
