The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
