honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
