you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
