We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
