Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
