at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
