Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize