A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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