Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
