Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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