my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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