Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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