I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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