george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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