We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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