So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
So many bounce houses so little time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
