Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.