Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.