"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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