If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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