He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
