He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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