I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize