if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The adults are the big ones right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
