I don't think brook has ever known best
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
