Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
