How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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