Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
