I haven't been this sober since birth.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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