I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
