i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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