he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
