Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
