my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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