I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
