just tell him i said nine months
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
