Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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