i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
