man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
