If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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