he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
