My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
