im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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