He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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