I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
