Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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