Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The Olympian is in my bed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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