i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize