he told me I talked like a deaf person
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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