Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
