Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think people are normalizing furries
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
