So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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