and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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