Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
