Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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