she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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