I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
