Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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