I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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