You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
