I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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