we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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