I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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