and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
